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...because vague pretentious speech is the safest way to rant, that's why.
And because I've started on another train of soul-searching-esque thoughts, which are never fun.
Sometimes I wish that I weren't so attached to the mask. That I didn't have to depend on this mask just to keep functioning.
But then again, it's become a part of who I am. Even if it's just a mask, it's one I've worn for far too long to just throw away now. Besides, I don't particularly want to throw it away either. Seeing the world through it is much preferable to seeing it through my normal jade-colored lenses.
But still. I wonder why the emo thoughts are flaring up again... ok, I don't wonder, I know. I wish I didn't, but I do know.
...sigh. I guess, at the end, I'm just lonely. Strange, that.
I want to say that I don't know what to do anymore. But I do.
What I really want to say is that I don't know what to do that will get me what I want. Which I really don't. And I'm honestly unsure whether I'd want to anyway.
So, at the end, I'm still back to ground zero. Square one. Whatever you call it. The point is, all this did nothing but possibly make me feel a little better. Possibly. Just possibly.
...more likely, I'll feel better once I'll wake up and this mood goes away.
Haha. I really don't know what to say.
I just hope this really passes quickly. It had better.
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